A JOURNEY TO HEALING THROUGH FAITH, FREEDOM AND LIFE
It began when I got down on my knees and cried out to God from a place of utter despair. Little did I know that soon after that prayer, I’d receive the call that changed my life forever. My loved one had been incarcerated. The absolute heartbreak and devastation I felt at the news can’t properly be explained. I experienced so many emotions and had unanswered questions. I felt guilt, shame, embarrassment, and fear of an unknown future for my loved one and family. I questioned everything I had ever done and said, every choice, and every decision. I even wondered if my marriage would survive this devastating blow.
I didn’t understand, at first, that my loved one’s incarceration was the answer to my prayer. Thus, began a journey I certainly didn’t ask for and didn’t know I absolutely needed. See, this could easily be a story about another person sent to prison, but God saw fit to allow this to be MY STORY. Allow me to explain. My loved one being sent to prison knocked the wind out of me for months and nearly took me out. Yes, I struggled with not wanting to live through the pain. How was I going to make it through the court process and sentencing? How was I going to show up to prison for visitation and swallow the lump in my throat from the fear of seeing officers, hearing dangling keys on their belt loops and the buzzing of doors opening and slamming shut? How was I going to keep a smile on my face without crying? How was I going to offer encouragement when I need encouraging?
How was I going to stay strong when getting out of bed daily was a challenge? How was I going to be a support system when I needed support for myself? Would those closest to me even understand what I was dealing with? I barely made it through each day, riddled with anxiety and panic attacks.
I knew there was a fork in the road. I could
either run away from or run to Christ.
I chose the latter. What running to Christ meant for me was complete and total surrender and giving up the control I thought I had over my life and the lives of my family members, and giving complete control to Christ. It wasn’t about doing things in my ability anymore. I was finally ready to be the change I wanted to see for me and my circle of influence. It meant asking God to show me myself. I was ready to go beneath the surface and wanted God to help me understand all the why’s about me…the reasons I am the way I am, what’s behind my thinking, reactions and responses.
I realized that just because I wasn’t behind
BARS didn’t mean I was FREE. I wanted to
DO LIFE in Christ.
I was ready to show up in life differently for myself and my family so that the destructive cycles and patterns in my life would be destroyed. I realized if I never changed, I could not expect my loved ones to change. This process has been challenging, gut-wrenching and difficult. Simultaneously, it’s been the most eye opening, cleansing, freeing, and healing time of my life. I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us(me). Philippians 3:16.
This is not a one and done. This is just the beginning. I don’t know every twist and turn on this journey, but I am committed to trust God for the outcome. THIS is the story of my daily journey of FAITH in Christ, so that I can walk in FREEDOM and live an abundant LIFE.