GRATEFUL – A Love Letter

Today is Thanksgiving Lord. Right now in this moment is where I need to be. Me and you. I’ve been sidetracked, busy, distracted and busy some more. Lord forgive. Help me to remember you are my first love. Funny how I can get lonely and I’m listening to love songs. Lord you are the one that never lets me down. Never leaves my side. Never says to me “I have nothing to say”. Never ignores me. You, oh God, hear everything I have to say and actually care about what I have to say. You hear my spoken words and even when I don’t speak, you know my thoughts. You desire intimacy with me in ways I’ve never known and no one else can give. You are truly the love of my life. The lover of my soul. You refresh and replenish me. You restore me. Give me hope. You give encouragement for my soul. You literally give me goosebumps. Make me giddy with joy and make me drop to my knees and awe and wonder. You are majestic. You are my king, my hope, My Savior. My redeemer. My friend. My everything.

You catch every one of my tears and know what each tear was cried for. You understand me completely. Inside and out. You know when I’m being a brat, snotty, attitudinal. You know when I struggle with insecurity and judgment. You know all these things. When I compare myself to others and wonder if I’m good enough. God you know! And yet, you still love me unconditionally. You cherish me. You want me to want you. You open your arms wide to me always. You give all of you to me so personally, so completely, and lovingly, and want every part of me. The good, bad, and ugly. The filthy rags that I am. All of me. You want me to just be honest with you. You already know everything about me but want me to be open and honest and speak the truth about myself so I can be set free and not be in bondage. You care about me that much! In you I can be myself. Totally set free. No Chains. No shackles. No lies. No putting on face. You give me strength. It’s your strength when I don’t think I can go on. When I get full of fear, have anxious thoughts, when I fret over things, you lovingly ask me to give all my cares to you. Because you will carry the load. You tell me I’m not meant to carry the load and that you gladly take the load from me. Even when I struggle to give it to you, you gently remind me to let you have it.

You don’t condemn me when I fall short. You watch me, nudge me gently and when I return to you, repent and ask for forgiveness, you rub my back and wipe my tears from my eyes and tell me it’s okay. You already knew and know everything I do and died on the cross and rose for it. You have me covered. Speaking of covering, you cover me in all my ups, downs, and mess. You cover me in your grace and give me a chance to get it together. You cover me in private, deal with me, correct and discipline me in love so that I can shine bright reflecting your love, light, and glory in public. You keep setting me free continually and progressively so my integrity is intact. So I’m the same and public and in private. I’m your image bearer. You keep working with me patiently, molding me. Refining me and shaping me to be more like you everyday. You never ever give up on me. Ever. When I didn’t know and realize you were working behind the scenes of my life, you never left me or gave up.

Right here and now, the greatest thing about all of this, is that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are doing the same for my family. The same tender loving care you show me is the same you give each of my family members. And you are also, day by day, helping me to be a reflection of you to them. You are using me for my family. Lord I love you and thank you for that privilege. Thank you for your grace and mercy. Thank you for my lineage. Another day and chance after chance. Thank you for salvation and sanctification. Thank you for wholeness and holiness. Thank you for provision, safety, and protection. Thank you for you. Thank you for the freedom that I live in everyday. The inner healing that I get to experience everyday. Thank you that my family will have the same freedom and that you’re using me as an example for them. Thank you for loving me so Jesus.

Love,
Your Daughter
The Apple of Your Eye

Plea to my Black Brothers and Sisters – Think About Things Differently

Everyone in our country and beyond knows about the ruthless murder of George Floyd and a host of other African American men, boys, women and girls that have lost their lives at the hands of law enforcement. This is nothing new, however, now it is being caught on video more and more and is being exposed for the evil it is. To be clear, even if someone commits a crime, it is not an automatic justification they should lose their life. Please trust I understand the anger, frustration, hurt and pain that comes from generations of murder, oppression, and criminalization of people in our culture. I completely understand the gamut of emotions we experience every time we see on the news or social media a police officer taking the life of another black brother or sister without consequence. In the RARE instance police are charged, there is an almost NON-EXISTENT rate of conviction. What troubles me also is the rioting and looting as a result of these acts of evil. We must not tear down, steal from, and destroy property. Sadly, the riots and looting now get more media attention rather than the senseless murder that caused the riots and looting in the first place. Again, I empathize on every level with where the hurt and anger comes from, but there has to be a better way to express ourselves. I have a strong black husband, sons, father, brother and a host of other loved ones. Our culture deals with mass incarceration on a whole other level, different from any other in our country. Many would agree that mass incarceration is modern day slavery. Here’s my plea to my black brothers and sisters – Please do not put yourself in a position to be put in handcuffs and taken to jail/prison. We too are experiencing incarceration in our own family and the thought of more black men and women being handcuffed and jailed from expressing their own hurt isn’t the way.

On another note, some people ask why rioting and looting are even taking place. Food for thought – We are all born in sin and shaped in iniquity (Psalm 51:5) and can only be redeemed by the blood of the lamb, Jesus Christ (Ephesians 1:7). Unfortunately, violence begets violence in our society and world. May want to read that again. Violence begets violence. That requires the people of the world we African Americans live in to take a look in the mirror. This is human nature from the beginning of time (Genesis 4:8). The ONLY way to combat violence is by being redeemed by Christ’s blood, having the mind of Christ (Romans 12:2) and the fruit of the Holy Spirit (Galations 5:22-23). This leads to a heart change (Ezekiel 36:26) and the Holy Spirit is what enables us to express ourselves peacefully in the midst of evil. Is it right that we are killed randomly because of the color of our skin? NO. Is it right or fair that as black parents, we have to TEACH our black children how to conduct themselves because of harm that can come to them because of society’s perception of them and the color of their skin? NO. The list goes on. We absolutely should continue to use our voices and video to expose the injustice and evil prevalently perpetrated against African Americans. What I don’t want to see is us destroying the property of others and communities we live in, perpetuating false stereotypes, potentially being jailed and adding to the incarceration of our beautiful and misunderstood black brothers and sisters. Just something to think about.

God Gets all the Glory,

Michelle Smith Lewis

Break The Chains

So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free. John 8:36 NLT

Why do I act and react the way I do? Why did I raise my kids in fear? When people say certain things, why does it bother me the way it does? Why am I sad, angry or crying right now? What are my emotional triggers and where do they come from? These, among many others, are questions I began to ask myself after my loved one’s incarceration. I mean for goodness sake; my loved one was in prison! How did we get here? Yes, I said “we” because when a loved one goes “inside”, it affects the entire family. We don’t physically do the time with them, but we do the time with them in every other way. Something had to give, and everything had to change.

After my very SLOW emotional recovery from the initial trauma of processing the fact that my loved one was incarcerated, I wasn’t trying to understand what happened, but WHY it happened. 

I didn’t want surface answers, I wanted the answers that lay underneath
the surface of my intelligence. See, we look nice and are groomed
and masked on the outside, but I wanted to understand my soul. 

Only God could give me the answers I was looking for. I began to pray that God would show me myself and help me know the secret and hidden things inside of me that manifested in unhealthy patterns and choices. I was ready to understand how my and my family’s nature and nurture made us into who we are.

So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free. John 8:36 NLT

Why do I act and react the way I do? Why did I raise my kids in fear? When people say certain things, why does it bother me the way it does? Why am I sad, angry or crying right now? What are my emotional triggers and where do they come from? These, among many others, are questions I began to ask myself after my son’s incarceration. I mean for goodness sake; my son was in prison! How did we get here? Yes, I said “we” because when a loved one goes “inside”, it affects the entire family. We don’t physically do the time with them, but we do the time with them in every other way. Something had to give, and everything had to change.

After my very SLOW emotional recovery from the initial trauma of processing the fact that my son was incarcerated, I wasn’t trying to understand what happened, but WHY it happened. 

I didn’t want surface answers, I wanted the answers that lay underneath the surface of my intelligence. See, we look nice and are groomed and masked on the outside, but I wanted to understand my soul. 

Only God could give me the answers I was looking for. I began to pray that God would show me myself and help me know the secret and hidden things inside of me that manifested in unhealthy patterns and choices. I was ready to understand how my and my family’s nature and nurture made us into who we are.

I was ready to allow God to break the invisible chains that had me bound.
Basically, I was ready to show up in life differently. I was ready to look, act, talk and walk differently for myself, my circle of influence and the world around me.
I couldn’t continue to do the same thing and get different results. I knew this could only be accomplished through a deep, personal relationship with Jesus Christ. My entire family needed healing and I knew that real, lasting change for my lineage started with me. The journey to healing is my everyday life. Sharing the tools, resources and experiences with others is now my life’s mandate. 

Christ has freed us so that we may enjoy the benefits of freedom. Therefore, be firm [in this freedom], and don’t become slaves again. Galatians 5:1 GW

I was ready to allow God to break the invisible chains that had me bound.
Basically, I was ready to show up in life differently. I was ready to look, act, talk and walk differently for myself, my circle of influence and the world around me.
I couldn’t continue to do the same thing and get different results. I knew this could only be accomplished through a deep, personal relationship with Jesus Christ. My entire family needed healing and I knew that real, lasting change for my lineage started with me. The journey to healing is my everyday life. Sharing the tools, resources and experiences with others is now my life’s mandate. 

Christ has freed us so that we may enjoy the benefits of freedom. Therefore, be firm [in this freedom], and don’t become slaves again. Galatians 5:1 GW